


How To Ruin Catwomans Valentines Day: Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy Style

by RhymeReason



Category: DCU
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Selina regrets everything, request, valentines day, valentines day shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 15:12:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6013458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhymeReason/pseuds/RhymeReason
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selina Kyle is way too good to these two<br/>(Harley and Pamela need Selinas help getting presents. For each other.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Ruin Catwomans Valentines Day: Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy Style

**Author's Note:**

> Alternately Titled: Selina tries so hard to salvage her valentines day while still being a good person
> 
> This started as a drabble for @actualcannibaljakeenglish on tumblr as part of my valentiens day drabble thing.  
> this is no longer a drabble  
> oh well

Selina Kyle had had plans for today. Big plans. Sleep till noon, go get some nice fish and chips over at Gotham Bay Brewery, get a little drunk, lounge around until nightfall then go find Batman. Maybe see if he would kiss her on the rooftops.

It was Valentines Day after all.

But no, her bestfriend just had to call her at 8 am.

“What do you want?” Selina growled into her phone.

“I need your help.” Pamela Isley said on the other end of the line.

“With what?”

“I need to pick out a gift.” Pam explained. “....for Harley.”

“My god.” Selina groaned. She sat up with a sigh. “You want me to help you pick out a present for you to buy your girlfriend for your first Valentine’s Day together?”

“Yes?” She could hear the pleading in Pamela’s voice.

Selina sighed and rubbed her face. She was going to regret this. “Fine. Ill help you.”

“Ill meet you at the mall at 10 then. Alright?”

“Fine.” Selina hung up the phone with a click.

 

 

“Selina, I'm not getting her lingerie!” Pamela scolded.

“Why not?” Selina slammed the bra and panty set back down. “I think she would enjoy it!”

“I want her to love it though, not just enjoy it.” Pamela explained. “It has to mean something.”

“You're such a sap!” Selina snapped. “If you're not going to take my advice, then why did you wake me up?”

“Because occasionally you do get good ideas.” Pamela said, inspecting a cute t-shirt that said ‘kiss me, i'm cute’. “Besides, you do have some sense of fashion, even if all you wear is black.”

“Ill let you know that I also have been known to wear purple and gold as well!” Selina growled.

“Oh fine.” Pamela rolled her eyes. She set down the shirt and sighed. “I don't think this store is working. Lets try a different one.”

Selina sighed. “Store number six, here we come.”

“I think I want to try that jewelry store over there.” Pamela said said, pointing to the store four stores down. “I have a good feeling about that one.”

“Alright.” Selina conceded. “Let's go.”

 

 

“It's perfect,Selina!” Pamela exclaimed.

Selina smirked and tapped the glass case holding the jewelry again. “I knew it would be. A six karat gold necklace with rubies and Tahitian pearls. Matches Harleys color scheme perfectly.”

Pamela smiled. “Thank you for your help, Selina. It means a lot to me.”

Selina stood and smoothed out her shirt. “You're welcome. Now, I have my own Valentines day plans to do. I might just be able to salvage them.”

“Alright. Ill see you later, Selina.” Pamela waved goodbye to her friend.

“Bye Pam.” Selina said over her shoulder. “Tell me how it goes with Harley, alright?”

“Will do!”

  


 

Selina was halfway to Gotham Bay Brewery when her phone rung again.  She took one look at the caller ID and decided that becoming friends with the other two biggest villainesses in Gotham was the worst idea that she had ever had.

“What do you want, Harley?” Selina sighed into her phone.

“You gotta help me, Sel!” Harley pleaded. “I dunno what to get Ivy for V Day!”

“I don't know, get her a cactus or something!” Selina snapped. “Why are you asking me?”

“Because you're her bestfriend or somethin!” Harley said. “Please please please, kitty cat! You gotta!”

Some days, Selina Kyle was just too good of a person. “Fine! Ill help you. But you owe me. Big time.”

“Yes yes!” Harley cheered loudly. “You're a lifesaver! I love ya!”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever.” Selina sighed.

“Ill meet you at the mall, alrighty?”

“Uggggghhh fine!” Selina said. “Goodbye Harley.”

She hung up the call and sighed. “Driver, take me back to the mall.”

  


 

Harley was worse to shop with that Pamela. She kept flitting around, turning down every one of Selina's ideas, but never deciding on what she actually wanted to get her. It was infuriating.

“Just pick something!” Selina eventually shouted at Harley, two hours into their shopping. They were on their tenth store, and Harley was debating between two types of super rare flowers. One was deadly and the other wasn't. Harley was debating which one Pamela would like best.

Harley pouted at Selina. “I'm trying, kitty cat! But I don't know if she would like this one, which is cuter.” She held up the non-poisonous one. “Or this one, which could kill a man!” She held up the deadly one.

“Breed them together or something, I don't care!” Selina said, crossing her arms. Part of her knew that she probably shouldn't be this snippy with Harley considering she had asked her for help but it was already almost two o'clock in the afternoon and she should already be at least a little drunk and back home lounging around, waiting for the sun to go down. She shouldn't be helping Harley Quinn, one of the craziest girls she has ever known, pick out plants for her plant controlling girlfriend.

“You're a genius, Sel!” Harley exclaimed. “I can get them for her so she can work on her breeding program!” The clown girl jumped up and down excitedly, hugging Selina tightly, all the while not letting go of the plants.

“Uh, no problem Harley” Selina said from within Harleys steel like embrace. “Now would you let me go? I need to go try and finish up my plans for the day if thats even possible. Gotham Bay Brewery is probably packed by now.”

“Of course!” The blonde grinned and let Selina go. “You can go,Ill get these on my own! Bye bye!”

“Yeah, bye Harley.” Selina waved before leaving the girl on her own.

 

 

When Selina arrived at Gotham Bay Brewery finally, it was so packed that there was no way Selina could get a seat. She sighed. “Well, maybe I can still get that kiss from Batman. That would make this at least a somewhat good Valentines day.”

 

 

It was four am, the sun was coming up and Batman hadn't been seen all night.

Catwoman cursed. “Worst Valentines Day ever.”

 

 

Selina arrived home to see her phone lit up with three different snapchats, all from around ten oclock. The first one was from Pamela, showing a picture of Harley grinning excitedly, her new necklace worn proudly around her neck.

The second was from Harley and was a picture of Pamela cradling the two potted plants to her chest, tears of joy streaming down her face.

The final snapchat was a video. Harley and Pamela both smiled at her on the camera. Pamela quietly counted down from three before both of them shouted “THANK YOU SELINA!”

Selina couldnt help but smile at the video and save it.

“Maybe this Valentines Day wasn't so bad.” She said to herself with a smile.


End file.
